Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, on his return from his meeting with President Clinton, announced today in Jerusalem that Harriet Dorf would not be celebrating her 60th birthday in Israel as had had been expected. Insiders explain that golf was a serious consideration in this important decision, affecting hundreds of disappointed Israeli citizens. "We hope that shell be coming back to study with us", Knesset member Shlomo Echstein exclaimed on the Knesset floor when the decision was announced.

   Former Prime Minister Shimon Peres, Palestinian leader Yasir Arafat, and Abe Foxman, Executive Director of the Anti-Defamation League called for an unprecedented meeting to develop a plan to lure the Dorf Family back to Israel. Arafat urged the others to include information about peace initiatives and Jewish pluralism in order to maintain the interest of the Dorf children, who are well-known leftists.

   Mr. Jerome Dorf explained to the anxious media at a press conference in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, "We really didnt have a choice about this, since the Marriot TimeShare Corporation couldn't find us a condo in Israel or anywhere in the Middle East for that matter." The Dorf family will be vacationing on the Big Island of Hawaii in early February

Dear Harriet,
    We wanted to do something for your 60th birthday that would express our love and appreciation of you in a meaningful and creative way. This website -- and all the messages here from your many friends, relatives, and Rabbis -- are an expression of the great esteem and love we have for you. We wish you a very Happy Birthday, and a wonderful time all together in Hawaii.
    We love you very much,

Julie, Mike, Josh, Jenni and Sarah

   Harriet Dorf made a brief stop over at Ben Gurion Airport early this morning, where she had a 15 minute private nosh with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, where her home-made cholent was served. Analysts surmise that this historic visit could possibly begin a new era in pluralistic Jewish cuisine. Commenting on the meeting, Secretary of State, Madeline Albright said, "I love Harriets cholent. Discovering my Judaism and Harriets cholent went hand in hand." On her way back onto the plane, Dorf exclaimed to her cheering crowd, "Dont cry for me, Israel, I'll be back next year in Jerusalem!"